Beat your wife, not your cock!

In good Ole South Carolina, it will be a felony to engage in cockfighting (not you, not your cock, but a rooster) but if you want to beat the shit out of your wife, no big deal...only a misdemeanor.

A bill protecting cocks passed through the House Judiciary Committee. Rep. John Graham Altman (R-Dist. 119-Charleston) was in favor of the gamecock bill, "I was all for that. Cockfighting reminds me of the Roman circus, coliseum."

If the bill passes, cockfighting will be a felony, punishable by five years in jail. But if you bitch slap your wife around, you'll get a 30-day jail sentence.

For Fun, let's look at Altman's quotes regarding this subject. (No jokes needed)

News 10 reporter Kara Gormley asked Altman, "That's fine if you feel you will never be able to explain it to me, but my question to you is: does that show that we are valuing a gamecock's life over a woman's life?"

Altman again, "You're really not very bright and I realize you are not accustomed to this, but I'm accustomed to reporters having a better sense of depth of things and you're asking this question to me would indicate you can't understand the answer. To ask the question is to demonstrate an enormous amount of ignorance. I'm not trying to be rude or hostile, I'm telling you."

Gormley, "It's rude when you tell someone they are not very bright."

Altman, "You're not very bright and you'll just have to live with that."

In the follow-up interview, Rep. Altman commented, "I wanted to offend that snippy reporter who come in here on a mission. She already had the story and she came in with some dumb questions and I don't mind telling people when they ask dumb questions."

Rep. Altman spoke about domestic violence, "There ought not to be a second offense. The woman ought to not be around the man. I mean you women want it one way and not another. Women want to punish the men, and I do not understand why women continue to go back around men who abuse them. And I've asked women that and they all tell me the same answer, John Graham you don't understand. And I say you're right, I don't understand."

Gormley, "So it's their fault for going back?"

Altman, "Now there you go, trying to twist that too. And I don't mind you trying. It's not the woman's fault, it's not blaming the victim, but tell me what self respecting person is going back around someone who beats them?"

During the same interview, he responded to the reporter's question, "You seem to be drawn to this fixation that women have to go back. I don't think that speaks highly of women. I think women can think and be responsible for their own actions. Woman are not some toys out there, drawn back to the magnet of the man a lot of these men are bums and cretins and they have to be punished but I think women are independent enough to not go back to the men who beat them. And we have a lot of men who are abused by women, but they are too ashamed to admit it."

Rep. Altman, "I know you are after a story. And it's kind of a nice story, that we've tabled a CDV bill. Because then you can talk about the insensitive man, the insensitive legislator, but it's not the case. But I don't know why a woman, there would ever be a second offense."

Let's try to digest all this:
First of all, Altman is clearly not very bright. Who the fuck speaks to anyone like this ball bag did to this reporter? Rule #1 in Asshole school…if you can’t justify your action, deflect, deflect and deflect.

Now on the issue at hand, it appears Altman doesn’t feel that wife beaters should get stiff penalties for slapping their ho’s around because it’s the woman’s fault for coming back. Like he said, “he can’t understand why women continue to go back around men who abuse them.”

Obviously, fuck nut is a typical white-bread Republican who has lived a privileged life. He doesn’t quite get it that the type of person who is married to abusive people comes from lower-income or broken homes and it’s not unusual for them to come from abusive families.

I also have to assume he’s wealthy, because only an ignorant fuck like him would honestly believe that it is just that easy for these women to just get up and leave. Yeah, we all have gold cards and tons of cash sitting around so when we uproot our lives, there’s a cushy pillow waiting for us. Typically, women who are abused are not wealthy woman, some would even say poor. Many have kids and either have small part-time jobs or are full-time mothers. As any person with have a brain can tell you, it’s not that easy.

He tries to say he’s not blaming the victim, but then says, “What self respecting person is going back around someone who beats them?” Man, what a cockfucker.

Listen, Mr. Altman seems pretty stubborn about this “not going back” idea. So I have to assume that he’s prepared to do his part. I think from this day forward and women who is abused by their husband or boyfriend should grab their bags, grab their kids and give Rep Altman a call. You can reach him at his office at (803) 734-2947. I’m sure he has no problem taking all you women into his home so you won’t have to go back to your abusive spouses.

As for the cocks, you can breathe easy now, you’re finally protected.

Too Good to Be True

If this photo is true, wouldn't this be the greatest irony of all time?

Ban All Gays!!

A Republican Alabama (no less) lawmaker, Gerald Allen, says that being a homo is unacceptable.

Okay, not big news; A bigot from the south thinks gays are sinful. It's sad, but expected. But our dear Gerald has decided to take his hate and intolerance to the next level.

He is attempting to pass a bill in Alabama that says that public school libraries can no longer "buy new copies of plays or books by gay authors, or about gay characters."

"I don't look at it as censorship," says State Representative Gerald Allen. "I look at it as protecting the hearts and souls and minds of our children."

But in book after book, Allen reads what he calls the "homosexual agenda," and he's alarmed. "It's not healthy for America, it doesn't fit what we stand for," says Allen. "And they will do whatever it takes to reach their goal." He says he sees this as a line in the sand.

Okay, am I on the only one who's having Footloose flashbacks right now or is it Nazi book-burning flashbacks? Where's John Lithgow when you need him. What next, we ban dancing that might be too gay?

Listen, I'm the first person to get pissed off when people throw around the Nazis references, but this is getting down right scary.

First, Bush tries to get a Constitutional Amendment to ban gay marriage.
Second, Republicans sweep state elections riding on gay-marriage bands
Third, Michigan passes a law that says doctors can refuse treatment to a gay person
Fourth, Texas passes a state law that forbids gays from adopting foster children
Fifth, Microsoft caves in to the Religious right and refuses to back a anti-discrimination bill in Washington State. The bill fails.
And a Republican in Alabama wants to ban any book by gay author's or that has gay characters in it.

So no more Tennessee Williams, Truman Capote, Gore Vidal. No "The Color Purple" or "Bridget Jones's Diary". I guess when Jeff Gannon/Gukert writes a book, he won't have to ship any copies to Alabama. I have to assume that Alabama won't be accepting Dick Cheney's daughter's upcoming book.

What do we do next? Erase gays from history? Alexander the Great...we can go ahead and erase him from history. What about President Lincoln? We'll cross him out of the history books? What about pop culture? 'Will & Grace...can't show that? We'll have to remove Bill Crystal's character in all reruns of 'Soap'.

Personally, I'm for it - because I truly believe we're about to experience a major backlash in the next election (2006). Let the Republicans ban their books, pass discriminating legislation, speak their hatred, ignore ethic rules and watch how many will be swept out of office in the next couple years.

Oil here, get your oil here!

Bush's Energy plan...promote innovations that will allow American's to need less oil? Nope. Just build more things so we can get it cheaper! Way to solve the problem, Georgy.

Bush urges more refineries, nuclear plants

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Comparing U.S. dependence on overseas oil to a "foreign tax on the American people," President Bush on Wednesday proposed a series of energy initiatives, including more oil refineries and nuclear plants, to combat the problem...read the rest here!

Odessa, Texas...one city I can scratch off my "Where To Raise My Children" list.

The justification to teach the Bible in Public School is that it's History. The Bible is not a historical document. It is a fictional book, written by many different men throughout history that has constantly been changed to fit one person or another's belief system. If they're going to offer this class, wouldn't it be fair to offer a class for other "historical" literature works like the Torah, the Koran and the Book of Mormon. For some reason, I don't expect to see those classes in Texas anytime soon.

Texas School Board Adds Bible Class

ODESSA, Texas - The school board in this West Texas town voted unanimously to add a Bible class to its high school curriculum.

Hundreds of people, most of them supporters of the proposal, packed the board meeting Tuesday night. More than 6,000 Odessa residents had signed a petition supporting the class.
Some residents, however, said the school board acted too quickly. Others said they feared a national constitutional fight.

Barring any hurdles, the class should be added to the curriculum in fall 2006 and taught as a history or literature course. The school board still must develop a curriculum, which board member Floy Hinson said should be open for public review.

The board had heard a presentation in March from Mike Johnson, a representative of the Greensboro, N.C.-based National Council on Bible Curriculum in Public Schools, who said that coursework designed by that organization is not about proselytizing or preaching.
But People for the American Way and the American Civil Liberties Union have criticized the council, saying its materials promote religion.

Johnson said students in the elective class would learn such things as the geography of the Middle East and the influence of the Bible on history and culture.
"How can students understand Leonardo da Vinci's 'Last Supper' or Handel's 'Messiah' if they don't understand the reference from which they came?" Johnson said. The group's Web site says its curriculum has received backing in 292 school districts in 35 states.

In Frankenmuth, Mich., a similar proposal led to a yearlong controversy before the school board voted in January not to offer such a course.
From Yahoo News!

Not that you'll be surprised by this...

WASHINGTON - With the battle over Democratic filibusters of President Bush's judicial nominees about to escalate, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist said Sunday, "If what Democrats are doing is wrong today, it won’t be right for Republicans to do the same thing tomorrow."

But history shows that Republicans did something similar to the Democrats' filibusters five years ago.

In 1999 and 2000, before he became majority leader, Frist was one of the Republican senators blocking President Clinton’s nominee to the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals, Richard Paez.
Frist and others repeatedly prevented a vote on the Paez nomination. In 1999, Frist and 52 other Republicans voted against a motion to proceed to a vote on Paez.
Six months later, Frist voted against cutting off extended debate — a filibuster — on the nomination.

Then he voted for a motion to postpone a vote on the nomination.

And finally on March 9, 2000, four years after Clinton nominated Paez to the appeals court, Frist was on the losing end of a 59-39 vote on the nomination itself.

Read the rest at MSNBC.COM

Collateral Damage

Like I always say, how many people do we need to kill, how many people have to suffer to make you feel safe? These questions work now and they worked thirty years ago in Vietnam. How many people had to suffer, and still do today (read below) because we needed to fight over some rice fields 30 years ago. But I guess we would call this collateral damage, right?

Xuan Minh, 3, looks out from his bed at the Tu Du Hospital in Ho Chi city on Friday March 25,2005, suffering from what is believed to be the effects of the jungle defoliant Agent Orange, used heavily in the region by the U.S. armed forces during the Vietnam War.

Photo Fantasies

What's he saying?


A) Mmm, you, you a pretty one. You come back to the Holy Land with me. I make you my tenth wife.
B) Don't look at her breast, oh gee, don't look at her breasts. Oh darn it! I looked.
C) You know, once you go Sunni, you never go back, baby!
D) You want to hear something funny - in my country I would have you buried into the ground and stoned to death for appearing in public dressed like that. Hahahaha.
E) You are a beautiful girl. In my country, I couldn't sell you for any less than four goats and a Volkswagen...or at least some kind of Honda.
F) Dear Allah, please don't let her be Jewish, please don't let her be Jewish.
G) I bet you didn't know that it was really the Jews who bombed the World Trade Center. No, it's true. They also drink baby's blood and control all the banks and run Hollywood and fuck goats...okay, I made up that last part, but the rest is true.
H) Yes, you are correct; girls in my country can't work, can't leave the house without a man, can't drive a car or even sit in the front seat...but we have amazing falafels! You should try one. In fact, I'll take you there now, I'll make you my tenth wife and you try one. They're delightful.

If Bush lies in the White House, does anyone hear it?

Gallup: Half of All Americans Now Feel Bush Deliberately Misled Them on WMDs

NEW YORK Half of Americans, exactly 50%, now say the Bush administration deliberately misled Americans about whether Iraq had weapons of mass destruction, the Gallup Poll organization reported this morning.

“This is the highest percentage that Gallup has found on this measure since the question was first asked in late May 2003,” Gallup observed. “At that time, 31% said the administration deliberately misled Americans. This sentiment has gradually increased over time, to 39% in July 2003, 43% in January/February 2004, and 47% in October 2004.”

Also, according to the latest poll, more than half of Americans, 54%, disapprove of the way President George W. Bush is handling the situation in Iraq, while 43% approve. In early February, Americans were more evenly divided on the way Bush was handling the situation in Iraq, with 50% approving and 48% disapproving. Last week Gallup reported that 53% now believe that the U.S. invasion of Iraq was “not worth it.” But Frank Newport, editor in chief at Gallup, recalled today that a majority of the public began to think the Vietnam war was a mistake in the summer of 1968. But the U.S. did not pull out of Vietnam for more than five years, after thousands of more American lives were lost.

From: Editor & Publisher

Knock up a former poptart, get on the cover of a magazine

Oh Kevin Federline, could you look anymore gay? Not that there's anything wrong with that!

Seems Like Old Times

I guess the more things change the more they stay the same.

Despite the removal of the brutal, Islamic Taliban, some traditions never go away...like the stoning of women.

THE DETAILS FROM THE BCC:
A 29-year-old Afghan woman's husband recently returned from Iran five years after leaving (Better late than never). Upon his return, the woman asked for a separation.

The husband, none to pleased, accused his wife of committing adultery. Of course this is illegal under Islamic Law...so what do when a husband accuses his wife of cheating? You stone her to death! The man she was suppose to be having this improper relationship with, he gets a flogging.

This is the second time a woman has been stoned to death since the fall of the Taliban.

FAIR & BALANCED
(Here at the Robio Rant, we're always fair & balance)

The father of the dead woman claims she was not stoned to death. He says he caught his daughter with another man who happened to not be her husband and he proceded to kill her (without the stones)...you can read it here! '

If Dennis Miller wants to switch sides, fine. I'm all for it. After his stint on Monday Night Football, the less his voice is heard, the quicker handicaps will recover, but his basic point for switching to the Dark Side is that Bush Inc. makes him feel safer.

I'm assuming, he feels safer because we took the "war on terrorism" on the offensive by attacking Afy and Iraq. But my only question to Dennis Miller and to any war-supporting nutbag, how many people need to die to make you feel safe? How many children need to be crippled? How many homes need to be bombed and destroyed? I'm serious. Dennis calls himself a liberterine...which means he stands for almost everything Bush Inc. want to crush, but the most important issue to Miller is his safety. All I'm asking is, please Dennis tell us...how many more people do we have to kill for you to feel safe?

Dennis Miller coos over being in Bush's corner
Comedian Dennis Miller still goes out in the noonday sun to proclaim his support for President Bush, never mind all the flak he takes from his liberal showbiz pals.
"Marty Short is one of my closest friends, and he just eviscerates me, takes me apart. I love it - Marty's extremely smart and it's hilarious," the "Saturday Night Live" alum told me the other day at Michael's over a lunch set up to hype "Dennis Miller," his weeknight talk show on ratings-challenged CNBC...read the rest at the NY Daily News!

$300,000,000,000.00

The Senate approved $81 billion dollars for wars in Iraq and Afghanistan in a spending bill that pushes the total cost of combat and reconstruction past $300-million.

Read here!

How much is the cost of the Iraq war alone costing us and how much is it costing your city? See for yourself here!

Does this seem like a little much? You can't remember these kinds of numbers by th Bush Inc. war machine?

Here's a look back:
- On September 15th 2002, White House economic advisor Lawrence Lindsay estimated the high limit on the cost to be 1-2% of GNP, or about $100-$200 billion. Mitch Daniels, Director of the Office of Management and Budget subsequently discounted this estimate as “very, very high” and stated that the costs would be between $50-$60 billion [Source: WSJ, “Bush Economic Aide Says Cost Of Iraq War May Top $100 Billion,” Davis 09/16/02; NYT, “Estimated Cost of Iraq War Reduced, Bumiller, 12/31/02; Reuters News, “Daniels sees U.S. Iraq war cost below $200 billion,” 09/18/02]

"When a reporter asked Daniels yesterday whether the administration was preparing to ask other countries to help defray possible Iraq war costs, as the United States did for the 1991 war, the budget director said he knew of no such plans. Other countries are having economic downturns of their own, he said," Budget Director Mitch Daniels [Source: Pittsburgh-Post Gazette, "Byrd attacks cost of possible Iraq War," McFeatters, 9/25/02]

“There’s just no reason that this can’t be an affordable endeavor," Budget Director Mitch Daniels [Source: Reuters, "U.S. Officials Play Down Iraq Reconstruction Needs, Entous, 4/11/03]

"The United States is committed to helping Iraq recover from the conflict, but Iraq will not require sustained aid," Budget Director Mitch Daniels [Source: Washington Post, 4/21/03]

"Well, the Office of Management and Budget, has come up with a number that's something under $50 billion for the cost. How much of that would be the U.S. burden, and how much would be other countries, is an open question," Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld [Source: Media Stakeout, 1/19/03]

"I don’t know that there is much reconstruction to do." [Source: Reuters, "U.S. Officials Play Down Iraq Reconstruction Needs," Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld [Entous, 4/11/03]

"I think it's necessary to preserve some ambiguity of exactly where the numbers are," Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz [Source: House Budget Committee, 2/27/03]

"Costs of any such intervention would be very small," Top Economist Adviser Glen Hubbard [Source: CNBC, 10/4/02]

"We don't anticipate requesting anything additional for the balance of this year," Budget Director Josh Bolten [Source: Congressional Testimony, 7/29/03]

"Well, the reconstruction costs remain a very -- an issue for the future. And Iraq, unlike Afghanistan, is a rather wealthy country. Iraq has tremendous resources that belong to the Iraqi people. And so there are a variety of means that Iraq has to be able to shoulder much of the burden for their own reconstruction," Press Secretary Ari Fleischer [Source: White House Press Briefing, 2/18/03]

"This is not Afghanistan…When we approach the question of Iraq, we realize here is a country which has a resource. And it’s obvious, it’s oil. And it can bring in and does bring in a certain amount of revenue each year…$10, $15, even $18 billion…this is not a broke country," Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage [Source: House Committee on Appropriations Hearing on a Supplemental War Regulation, 3/27/03]

"There’s a lot of money to pay for this that doesn’t have to be U.S. taxpayer money, and it starts with the assets of the Iraqi people...and on a rough recollection, the oil revenues of that country could bring between $50 and $100 billion over the course of the next two or three years…We’re dealing with a country that can really finance its own reconstruction, and relatively soon," Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz [Source: House Committee on Appropriations Hearing on a Supplemental War Regulation, 3/27/03]

"If you [Source: worry about just] the cost, the money, Iraq is a very different situation from Afghanistan…Iraq has oil. They have financial resources," Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld [Source: Fortune Magazine, Fall 2002]

"On the resource side, Iraq itself will rightly shoulder much of the responsibilities. Among the sources of revenue available are $1.7 billion in invested Iraqi assets, the found assets in Iraq…and unallocated oil-for-food money that will be deposited in the development fund," State Department Official Alan Larson [Source: Senate Foreign Relations Committee Hearing on Iraq Stabilization, 06/04/03]

"I don't believe that the United States has the responsibility for reconstruction, in a sense…[Reconstruction] funds can come from those various sources I mentioned: frozen assets, oil revenues and a variety of other things, including the Oil for Food, which has a very substantial number of billions of dollars in it," Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld [Source: Senate Appropriations Hearing, 3/27/03]

LIAR LIAR'S, PANTS ON FIRE, UNDERWEAR HANGING FROM AN TELEPHONE WIRE!!!

Terri Schiavo equals dollars!!!

Sen. Rick Santorum collected more than $100,000 from Florida donors during the first three months of 2005, when the Pennsylvania Republican maintained a high profile in the fight over Terri Schiavo.

Santorum received the bulk of the money "$84,300" on March 31, the day the Florida woman died, according to an analysis by PoliticalMoneyLine, a campaign finance tracking group. The $84,300 was raised during campaign stops March 29 and 30 in four Florida cities, the group said...read on

It's too bad these same people won't be able to vote for him come November...POLL: CASEY LEADS SANTORUM 14 POINTS.

This is what happens to you when you support the President's illegitimate war, back his efforts to destroy social security, hump the legs of Christian fanaticals and compare two gay people expressing their love with a man have sex with dogs.

Bye bye Ricky, enjoy your 100-grand when you're forced into retirement in 2006. If you were smart now, you will not run in 2006 by saying you're going to run for President.

President Beastiality...I kind of like the ring of that.

Struggling American's...go fuck yourself!

George W. Bush and Republicans in Congress...friends of the working man.

Bush signs tougher bankruptcy bill into law

WASHINGTON - President Bush signed the biggest rewrite of U.S. bankruptcy law in a quarter century on Wednesday, making it harder for debt-ridden Americans to wipe out their obligations.

“Bankruptcy should always be a last resort in our legal system,” Bush said. “If someone does not pay his or her debts the rest of society ends up paying them.”

THIS DESPITE

Those who fought the bill’s passage said the change will fall especially hard on low-income working people, single mothers, minorities and the elderly and will remove a safety net for those who have lost their jobs or face crushing medical bills.

READ ARTICLE HERE!

Innocent man killed by state?

Texas may have put innocent man to death, panel told

With Texas' criminal justice system the subject of intense scrutiny for a crime lab scandal and a series of wrongful convictions, a state Senate committee heard testimony Tuesday about the possibility that Texas had experienced the ultimate criminal justice nightmare: the execution of an innocent person...read on!

Highlights:
- Cameron Todd Willingham was convicted of a December 1991 arson fire that killed his three young daughters

- Willingham was prosecuted and convicted based primarily on arson theories that have since been repudiated by scientific advances--a fact backed up by testimony by one of those experts, Gerald Hurst.

- Three other fire experts who reviewed evidence in the case at the Tribune's request, the original investigation that concluded the fire was arson was flawed, relying on theories no longer considered valid. It is even possible the fatal fire at the Willingham home in Corsicana, a small town about an hour south of Dallas, was accidental, according to the experts.

- Willingham maintained his innocence until the end. Strapped to a gurney in the death chamber last year, an angry Willingham said: "I am an innocent man, convicted of a crime I did not commit."

Marla Ruzicka, the founder of Campaign for Innocent Victims In Conflict, was murdered in Iraq by a suicide bomber. It appears it was a random attack and she was not a target. Before she was killed, she had been visiting a family that had lost relatives during the U.S. bombing campaign. This woman was a hero, who's sole purpose was to look out for the well-being of the innocent victims, who's lives are destroyed by war.

But this is what some cocksucker had to say about her in the "Voice of the People" section of the New York Daily News.

Asking for trouble
Astoria: So-called angel of mercy Marla Ruzicka, killed in a suicide bombing in Baghdad, was a fool who should have been minding her own business ("Fallen angel lit up lives," April 19). If people of her ilk had had their way during World War II, we'd all be speaking Japanese or German.
~Brad Morris

Oh my lord!

Let me write my own response:

Asshole living in Astoria
Brad, pray to God I don't find you and beat you over the head with the largest object I can find. I can only hope that somehow, someday you and I can cross paths. You're a sick, pathetic little bitch that deserves a smacking. Marla Ruzicka is a hero! People like her who are willing to sacrifice everything to reach out to those who need the most help, is something few people are willing to do...espeically losers in Astoria.

You sit on your pathetic ass in fucking Astoria complaining about her - you wouldn't know the first thing about sacrifice. Ms. Ruzicka's work lead to the creation a program that has contributed more than $8 million for medical assistance, to rebuild homes, to provide loans to start businesses, and for other aid to innocent Afghan victims of the military operations.

Her work also led to the creation of a program known as the Civilian Assistance Program, which has provided $10 million to families and communities of Iraqi civilians killed by U.S. and other coalition forces. Another $10 million was allocated for this program just last week.

What the fuck have you ever done?

It just amazes me there are still ignorant morons like yourself in this world. And it's comments like, " If people of her ilk had had their way during World War II, we'd all be speaking Japanese or German."

Only the fucking brain-dead dickheads say such stupid things. Please explain to me how caring for innocent victims of war, whether they're white-bread Americans like yourself or not, would cause us to lose a war? Maybe you don't remember this because you surely never made it past the 5th grade, but our government did the same thing after World War II - It's called the "Marshall Plan"

And while we're trying to educate you, maybe you'll remember that America didn't get involved into World War II until after we were attacked, years after the rest of the world was fighting. If we followed that logic, then please explain to me what we're doing in Iraq.

Hey Brad Morris - may you get hit by a high-speed bus very soon and suffer an long, slow painful death.

A foreigner who hates foreigners

Way to go Arnold...you, the one person who can brag about being an immigrant who came to this country with no skills (you could lift weights, right?) and could barely spit out two sentences of proper English (Still having trouble with that one, huh?) who worked hard (Hollywood actor) and made it all the way to the governor of California.

Great story!

This is why I was so shocked that you said Tuesday that the nation's policy on preventing illegal immigration is too lax, telling a group of newspaper publishers the United States needs to "close the borders."

ARNOLD:
"Close the borders in California and all across Mexico and in the United States, because I think it is just unfair to have all those people coming across, have the borders open the way it is, and have this kind of lax situation."

I wonder where you would be if our borders were closed to everyone...you'd probably still be sitting in your parent's basement in Austria pumping iron, staring in great awe at your Hitler photos, foddling yourself.

But let me guess, you just want to close those southern borders to keep the dirty Mexican's out, not the whitey's from Europe.

Same old, same old

New Pope, but it will be the same old bullshit.

German Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger intervened in the 2004 US election campaign ordering bishops to deny communion to abortion rights supporters including John Kerry...not people who have abortions, not people who perform abortion, but if you simply believe that a woman has a right to choose, you don't get no bite of the Christ. Nice!

It's always nice to know when the Catholic church butts in. I searched the Internet and I couldn't find anywhere were this moron or any other Catholic boy lovers intervened in the 2004 US election to order bishops to deny communion to all those Catholics who support Bush. Because if you support Bush you support starting wars in a Iraq, tax cuts for the rich, undercutting the poor, cutting government programs that help the less fortunate and executing hundreds of criminals...the last time I check, these were all against Church Doctrine.

Way to be a prick New Pope!

Damn Activist Judge...Scalia?

From Yahoo News:
House Majority Leader Tom DeLay intensified his criticism of the federal courts on Tuesday, singling out Supreme Court Justice Anothony Kennedy's work from the bench as "incredibly outrageous" because he has relied on international law and done research on the Internet.

So Dickhead DeLay doesn't like Supreme Court Judges who think of about what others outside the U.S. do or think? Interesting.

Justice Scalia, regarding Bush v. Gore (when it trambled the Florida Court's decision to continue the recount) was quoted as saying, "The only issue was whether we should put an end to it, after three weeks of looking like a fool in the eyes of the world."

So where was DeLay in 2000 when Scalia was more concerned about international opinion than the counting of each and every single vote for the President of the United States? Oh yeah, Fucknut DeLay wanted Bush to win the election, he didn't care about what the voters actually wanted.

Damn Activist Judge!

Stat of the week

Did you know?

There are 55 Republicans in the Senate, 44 Democrats, one independent.

Of the 55 Republicans (who hold the majority), they represent 131 million people fom their states. Of the 44 Democrats, they represent 161 million people.

The present Senate is the product of the last three elections (2000, 2002, 2004). In these elections, the total vote for Democratic senatorial candidates, winning and losing, was 99.7 million; for Republicans it was 97.3 million.

The forty-four person Senate Democratic, therefore, represents a two-million-plus popular majority. Yet, Democrats are the majority...nice!

Old People, not so big. Fags though, important!

Evangelicals Cool to Bush's Focus on Social Security Accounts

April 19 (Bloomberg) -- Phil Burress, who helped President George W. Bush win the battleground state of Ohio last November by leading the charge among religious groups to pass a gay- marriage ban, isn't pleased with the president's focus on Social Security.

"How come he's not stumping across America defending marriage?" said Burress, 63, an evangelical Christian and president of Citizens for Community Values in Ohio. "Marriage is a whole lot more important than Social Security."

Burress's dissatisfaction illustrates one of the hurdles Bush confronts by putting at the top of his second-term agenda the effort to overhaul the Social Security program and let younger workers invest their payroll taxes in private accounts...read the rest of this crap here!

Faux News "Selective Bites"

Some great investigative reporting by Nancy over at the NEWSHOUNDS! Check them out when you can...it's a great way to know the crap that takes place on Faux News without actually frying your brain watching it.

Oops! Asman Does It Again

Because I've been monitoring FNL for too long, I've become inured to the inanity of David Asman's "Observer" segment. But the one he did on Wed 4/13 struck me as an even lamer than usual attempt to bash the New York Times. So I dug a little. What I found may (or may not) surprise you.

Here's the link to the 4/13 installment of the "Asman Observer," entitled Movies As 'Propaganda' as posted on the foxnews.com website. Asman opens by mentioning that he knew a Cuban who once headed the Cuban Film Institute (ICAIC), then uses that as a hook to criticize ICAIC, the Havana Film Festival in New York for shoring only ICAIC-approved films, & the NYTimes for co-sponsoring the festival.

Asman sneers at "that champion of civil liberties, The New York Times" for co-sponsoring the festival, then says that

The Times issued a statement saying that they were co-sponsoring the event because their readers "appreciate a diversity of thought and opinions in culture."

The phrase "issued a statement" is clickable in the original. So I clicked. That link takes you not to the NYTimes but to a page in the New York Sun which -- oddly enough (not) -- is an article, dated 4/11/05, entitled "Cuban Film Festival Called Propaganda"

That article is much long than Asman's 4-paragraph "Observer" but -- with the exception of the personal & vague intro Asman uses as a hook, it contains everything else in his little diatribe.

For example, in para 2, Asman quotes expatriate Cuban filmmaker Reinaldo Cruz on ICAIC:

As Cuban filmmaker Reinaldo Cruz, who fled Cuba in 1998, says about the Cuban Film Institute, it has one overriding purpose: "to project the power and the image of the regime of Castro. It was founded for that."

Here's what the NYSun article said:

...a Cuban actor and director living in Miami, Reinaldo Cruz, who fled the communist regime in 1998. During his film career in Cuba, Mr. Cruz said, he became intimately familiar with ICAIC, which he said was the sole producer and distributor of movies in Cuba - and which, like all government organs on the island, censored the materials it distributed.

As such, Mr. Cruz said, the Havana Film Festival and its New York cousin have one purpose. "It is to project the power and the image of the regime of Castro. It was founded for that," Mr. Cruz said.

Note that in the original, Cruz is speaking about the Havana & the New York Film Festivals, not about ICAIC. So Asman can't even lift a quote correctly.

Later, in para 4, Asman quotes another Cuban:

Cuban American filmmaker Ivan Acosta (search) is incensed that the New York Times is endorsing a censored vision of Cuba: "They have a duty of investigating and finding out what is going on, instead of being useful idiots."

Here's what the NYSun article said:

To Mr. Acosta, however, "They [the festival's sponsors] have no excuse not to know."

"They have a duty of investigating and finding out what is going on, instead of being useful idiots," the filmmaker said of the press and broadcast sponsors of the event, which, besides the Times, include the Spanish-language paper El Diario, local TV station NBC 4, and the local affiliate of the Spanish-language TV network Telemundo.

Note that Acosta is talking about ALL of the film festival's co-sponsors, not just the NYTimes. But Asman doesn't mention any of the other co-sponsors in his little rant. Why not? Aren't other sponsors equally culpable?

And as for the NYTimes statement that Asman sneered about in para 3:

The Times issued a statement saying that they were co-sponsoring the event because their readers "appreciate a diversity of thought and opinions in culture."

Here's what the NYSun article said:

In a statement issued by e-mail from the Times director of public relations, Toby Usnik, the paper responded: "The Times's marketing department sponsors a variety of film and arts festivals each year as a service to its readers who appreciate a diversity of thought and opinions in culture. This festival is one such sponsorship."

So Asman lifts selected bits from another news source & re-publishes them as his own, without proper attribution. I believe that's called plagiarism.

Then the foxnews.com website links Asman's op-ed piece to the source Asman plagiaried from. I believe that's called stupidity.

Bye Bye Hyde

Republican Rep. Henry Hyde announces his retirement in 2006!

And don't let the door hit you on your fat ass on the way out!

HYDE'S PROUDEST MOMENTS
- Hyde was among the 12 former directors and officers of the Clyde Federal Savings and Loan who were sued for gross negligence by federal regulators after the 1990 failure of the North Riverside, Ill.-based institution. That failure cost taxpayers an estimated $68 million.

- He first became a national figure when in 1976, during his second year in Congress, he sponsored a House measure that prohibited federal funding of abortions. The U.S. Supreme Court declared the "Hyde amendment" constitutional in 1980, and it has since become shorthand for restrictions on federal tax support of abortions.

- His national profile rose again in 1998 when he was the chief manager of the House impeachment case against Clinton.

This last one was ironic only because during the proceedings, Hyde, the great conservative husband & father of four, was forced to come clean about cheating on his wife for FIVE YEARS while he was a state represenative in Illinois. When the story broke, Hyde did not deny the affair, which he described as "my youthful indiscretions."

Huh? Youthful indiscretion? You were in your 40's jackass!!! The only thing youthful about Hyde digging in the wrong ditch is that the woman was in her 20's (and married with three kids)

So long, Hyde! Nice legacy loser.

Hyde and his mistress of five years

No News...means it didn't happen, right?

U.S. eliminates annual terrorism report

WASHINGTON — The State Department decided to stop publishing an annual report on international terrorism after the government's top terrorism center concluded that there were more terrorist attacks in 2004 than in any year since 1985, the first year the publication covered...read complete article!

Help Wanted: Time Magazine Research Team

It's bad enough Time Magazine decided to do a feature on Ann Coulter; I guess hateful racists who approve of the killing of journalist (only liberal ones of course) is good for sales and Michael Savage and David Duke weren't available.

But it appears Time Magazine also has some issues with their research department. To prove that lil' Annie is hated so much, they used the above photo to prove it. This so-called "protest" was done outside the GOP convention in New York by a group called "Communist for Kerry".

The only problem is, Communist for Kerry right-wing group that went out there to make Kerry look bad!!

Sadly, Fox ran with these nuts twice last year...but guess what? They never revealed that the group were right-wing nuts. Suprised?

These types of morons have been around for awhile...remember this good guy who kicked a female aids prostester while she laid on the ground. Watch it here! You'll love his reaction when a reporter confronts this jackass.

Bill would require opt-in for parents

By Dana Hull / Knight Ridder

Ann Spanko had no idea that military recruiters visited local high schools until last fall, when she saw an Army recruiting van parked outside Pioneer High School in south San Jose, where her son is a junior.

Under the No Child Left Behind Act approved by Congress in 2001, school districts are required to provide the Pentagon with student names, addresses and phone numbers so students may be contacted and recruited for military service.

As the war in Iraq enters its third year, recruiting has become a growing issue for principals and school boards across the country. Numerous families support military service, but some parents are clear: They don't want military representatives tracking down their kids.

"A lot of mothers say that their sons are immature and very impressionable, and they do not want them contacted by the military," said Mike Carr, director of student services for San Jose Unified School District. "More and more parents are bringing this forth, and I think it's because of the war."

Parents and legal guardians who do not want student information released to the military can submit "opt-out" forms to their school districts. The opt-out forms are often included in large student handbooks distributed at the beginning of the year. But few parents are aware the forms exist, in part because they are often buried in an avalanche of newsletters, directories and other paperwork.

And some complain that signing the forms has done little to prevent recruiters from contacting their children on campus or speaking in their classrooms.

Spanko, who said she wasn't aware of the opt-out option, wishes San Jose Unified would mail a separate letter about military recruiting home so parents can make informed decisions about whether recruiters should have access to their children.

Rep. Mike Honda, a Democrat whose 15th Congressional district includes western San Jose and central Santa Clara County, wants to take it a step further.

His "Student Privacy Protection Act" would turn current policy around, allowing the military to talk only to students whose parents approve of such contact. Instead of having the responsibility of opting out, Honda feels that parents should be asked to opt-in. Critics charge that this will make it far harder for recruiters to discuss military careers with the nation's high school students.

"I'm not against military recruiters on campus," said Honda, a former science teacher. "I'm against the provision of No Child Left Behind that says that schools have to share this private information with recruiters."

The Pentagon declined to comment on the proposed legislation, which was introduced in February.

Though the bill faces an uphill battle in the Republican-controlled Congress, some Bay Area Democrats, including Reps. Barbara Lee, Sam Farr, Lynn Woolsey and Pete Stark, have put their weight behind it as co-signers.

"The most important issue is getting the word out to parents," said Stark, who represents Fremont and urges parents to download an opt-out form from his congressional Web site. "Ninety percent of parents would prefer not to have their children's information given away."

But some parents who made a point of turning in opt-out forms say their privacy concerns are routinely ignored.

Fremont parent Donna Foley, who has two sons at Washington High School in Fremont, signed the opt-out form at the beginning of the school year. But her older son, a senior, has told her that military recruiters have given presentations in three of his classes this year.

"What's the point of an opt-out form if it's not enforced?" said Foley, who supports Honda's legislation. "It's a clear violation of my wishes as a parent, and it puts my son in a very awkward situation."

But the Department of Defense stresses that the "opt-out" provision refers to student names, addresses and phone numbers being released, not to how much time recruiters can spend on campuses.

"The access granted to military recruiters must be the same access that is generally provided to post secondary educational institutions and/or other prospective employers," Pentagon spokeswoman Lt. Col. Ellen Krenke said in an e-mail.

In some cases, students are leading the way to discourage students from joining the military.

In liberal enclaves such as Santa Cruz and Berkeley, some high school students have begun to "counter-recruit" whenever Army, Air Force, Navy or Marine representatives come to campus.

At Harbor High School in Santa Cruz, recruiters from different branches of the armed services visit the school about once a month and usually set up information tables during lunch. Several students join the military every year, and a scholarship fund has been established in honor of Andres Peres, a 2001 graduate who was killed while serving with the Marines in Iraq.

But a few weeks ago, when Air Force recruiters came to school, a group of students from a campus Peace and Justice group set up its own table 30 feet away and handed out fliers that said "Think Before You Enlist."

"If people really want to join the military, go for it," said senior Erin-Kate Escobar, 17. "We just want people to know that there are other ways to finance a college education."

Tim McGuire, an assistant principal at Harbor High, said that students involved in the counter-recruiting efforts are very mature and have talked with him at length, and the recruiters have handled the difference of opinion well.

"We have kids that go into the military and kids that don't," said McGuire. "Some join because they can't afford college, and others join because that's what they want to do." Others feel that some parents are overreacting.

"Could this get as far as parents who do not want their child to go out of California to bar any contact between the 'minors' and colleges that come on campus from Nevada? The East Coast? Kansas?" asked Leland High School parent Ginger Tate. "I would think that a parent could talk with their kid and/or with the recruiter about options. It is not that threatening."

Fox News Host: Repeat After Me

Ever wonder why the ring-wing nuts on Hannity & Colmes are always so good at staying on point? Wonder no more!

FROM THE NEW YORK DAILY NEWS
If the conservative guests on Fox News' "Hannity and Colmes" sound especially on-message, that's because they're being coached by the best:

Sean Hannity himself.

On the March 31 installment of the shouting-head show, the guests included two of the late Terri Schiavo's former nurses, Trudy Capone and Carla Sauer Iyer, arguing that their patient wasn't brain-dead.

Between commercials, according to an off-air audiotape obtained by investigative comedian Harry Shearer for last Sunday's episode of his weekly radio program, "Le Show," Hannity coached the women on exactly how to respond when liberal co-host Alan Colmes cross-examined them.

"Just say, 'I'm here to tell what I saw,'" Hannity can be heard instructing his guests. "No matter what the question, 'I'm here to tell you what I saw. I'm here to tell you what I saw.'"

Hannity adds helpfully: "Say, 'I'm not going to be distracted by silliness.' How's that? Does that help you? Look into that camera. Look at me when I'm talking."

On the air, Iyer performs beautifully. "I don't have any opinions or judgments. I was there," she declares

After the segment ends, Hannity gushes off the air to the nurses: "We got the points out. It's hard, this isn't easy. But you did great, both of you. Thank you, guys. Those nurses are powerful, aren't they?"

On his radio show, Shearer injected: "Yeah, especially when they do what you tell 'em to do. Very powerful when they follow instructions from the host!"

A Fox News flack didn't respond to Lowdown's detailed message yesterday.

This is a democracy, not a theocracy

Harry Reid Statement:
I am disappointed that in an attempt to hide what the debate is really about, Senator Frist would exploit religion like this. Religion to me is a very personal thing. I have been a religious man all my adult life. My wife and I have lived our lives and raised our children according to the morals and values taught by the faith to which we prescribe. No one has the right to judge mine or anyone else’s personal commitment to faith and religion.

God isn’t partisan.

As His children, he does ask us to do our very best and treat each other with kindness. Republicans have crossed a line today. America is better than this and Republicans need to remember that. This is a democracy, not a theocracy. We are people of faith, and in many ways are doing God’s work. But we represent all Americans, regardless of religion. Our founding fathers had the superior vision to separate Church and State in our democracy. It is a fundamental principle that has allowed our great, diverse nation to grow and flourish peacefully. Blurring the line between Church and State erodes our Constitution, and our democracy. It is a blatant abuse of power. Participating in something designed to incite divisiveness and encourage contention is unacceptable. I would hope that Sen. Frist will rise above something so beyond the pale.

Lesbian dreams...gone!

Dude, this just kills my lesbian fantasy.

LESBIANS everywhere swooned when Cynthia Nixon, famous for playing sassy lawyer Miranda on "Sex and the City," revealed she'd left her longtime boyfriend for a woman late last year.
But jaws are now hitting the floor as Nixon's mystery miss, Christine Marinoni, finally emerges reluctantly into the spotlight.

Far from choosing a supermodel or movie star, the stylish Nixon is in love with a left-wing education activist who never touches a tube of lipstick - let alone a pair of Jimmy Choos...READ MORE HERE!

Open Letter from Eric Berndt

Eric Berndt, the NYU student who asked Scalia if he sodomized his wife, responds to criticism.

Fellow Classmates,
As the student who asked Justice Scalia about his sexual conduct, I am responding to your posts to explain why I believe I had a right to confront Justice Scalia in the manner I did Tuesday, why any gay or sympathetic person has that same right. It should be clear that I intended to be offensive, obnoxious, and inflammatory. There is a time to discuss and there are times when acts and opposition are necessary. Debate is useless when one participant denies the full dignity of the other. How am I to docilely engage a man who sarcastically rants about the "beauty of homosexual relationships" (at the Q&A) and believes that gay school teachers will try to convert children to a homosexual lifestyle (at oral argument for Lawrence)?
Although I my question was legally relevant, as I explain below, an independent motivation for my speech-act was to simply subject a homophobic government official to the same indignity to which he would subject millions of gay Americans. It was partially a naked act of resistance and a refusal to be silenced. I wanted to make him and everyone in the room aware of the dehumanizing effect of trivializing such an important relationship. Justice Scalia has no pity for the millions of gay Americans on whom sodomy laws and official homophobia have such an effect, so it is difficult to sympathize with his brief moment of "humiliation," as some have called it. The fact that I am a law student and Scalia is a Supreme Court Justice does not require me to circumscribe my justified opposition and outrage within the bounds of jurisprudential discourse.

Law school and the law profession do not negate my identity as a member of an oppressed minority confronting injustice. Even so, I did have a legal point: Justice Kennedy's majority opinion in Lawrence asked whether criminalizing homosexual conduct advanced a state interest "which could justify the intrusion into the personal and private life of the individual." Scalia did not answer this question in his dissent because he believed the state need only assert a legitimate interest to defeat non-fundamental liberties. I basically asked him this question again - it is now the law of the land. He said he did not know whether the interest was significant enough. I then asked him if he sodomizes his wife to subject his intimate relations to the scrutiny he cavalierly would allow others - by force, if necessary. Everyone knew at that moment how significant the interest is. Beyond exerting official power against homosexuals, Scalia is an outspoken and high-profile homophobe. After the aforementioned sarcastic remarks about gay people's relationships, can anyone doubt how little respect he has for LGBT Americans? Even if no case touching gay rights ever came before him, his comments from the bench (that employment non-discrimination is some kind of "homosexual agenda," etc.) and within our very walls are unacceptable to any self-respecting gay person or principled opponent of discrimination. The idea that I should have treated a man with such repugnant views with deference because he is a high government official evinces either a dangerously un-American acceptance of authority or insensitivity to the gay community's grievances. Friends have forwarded me emails complaining of the "liberal" student who asked "the question." That some of my classmates are shallow and insensitive enough to conceptualize my complaint as mere partisan politics is disheartening. Though I should not have to, I will share with everyone that I am neither a Democrat nor Republican and do not consider myself a "liberal" except in the classical sense. I hope that we can separate a simple demand for equality under the law and outrage over being denied it from so much dogmatic ideological baggage. LGBT Americans are still a persecuted minority and our struggle for equal rights is still vital. 4 out of 5 LGBT kids are harassed in school - tell them to debate their harassers. Suicide rates for them are much higher than for others. We still cannot serve in the military, have little protection from employment and other forms of discrimination, and are denied the 1000+ benefits that accrue from official recognition of marriage. I know some who support gay rights oppose my question and our protest. Do not presume to tell me when and with how much urgency to stand up for our rights.

I am 17 months out of a lifelong closet and have lost too much time to heterosexist hegemony to tolerate those who say, as Dr. King put it, "just wait." If you cannot stomach a breach of decorum when justified outrage erupts then your support is nearly worthless anyway. At least do not allow yourselves to become complicit in discrimination by demanding obedience from its victims. Many of our classmates chose NYU over higher-ranked schools because of our reputation as a "private university in the public service" and our commitment to certain values. We were the first law school to require that employers pledge not to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation. Of Scalia's law schools that have "signed on to the homosexual agenda," our signature stands out like John Hancock's. We won a federal injunction in the FAIR litigation as an "expressive association" that counts acceptance of sexual orientation as a core value. Those who worry about our school's prestige should remember how we got here and consider whether flattering those who mock what we believe and are otherwise willing to fight for appears prestigious or pathetic. We protestors did not embarrass NYU, Scalia embarrassed NYU. We stood up to a bigot for the values that make NYU more than a great place to learn the law. I repeat my willingess to discuss this issue calmly with anyone who respects my identity as a gay man. I have had many productive talks with classmates since Tuesday and Ihope that will continue.

Respectfully,Eric Berndt

Jeff Guckert/Gannon Military lies

GUCKERT/GANNONS BEST QUOTES ABOUT HIS MILITARY SERVICE:
"I enlisted in the military more as a challenge to myself than anything, but got so much more than I ever expected. I learned the importance of self-discipline and self-reliance."

"In many circles, I have become known as "the conservative guy". Some people don't even remember my name because I am an average type guy. I've been a preppie, a yuppie, blue-collar, green-collar and white-collar. I've served in the military..."

When asked what USMCPT meant, Paul said he asked Jeff that very question. The answer: United States Marine Corps, Part Time. Paul recalls Jeff telling him he was still in the Marines, but only part time.

GUCKERT/GANNON ESCORT SITE:
Ex-USMC Jock: Available for hourly, overnight, weekend or longer travel - OUT ONLY!

MILITARY.COM
James D Guckert
Rank: E-4 Corporal
Service: Marine Corps
Status: Inactive Res/Guard - not drilling (He was drilling, just not in the way you'd think he was)

WELL, GUESS WHAT? JEFFREY WAS LYING ABOUT ALL THIS TOO!

From DAILY KOS:
James Dale Guckert, aka "Jeff Gannon," never served in the United States Marine Corps, according to the Personnel Management Support Branch located at Marine Corps Base Quantico (MCBQ).

ePluribus Media volunteer researcher RenaRF visited the Virginia base March 30, 2005, and requested a hand search of all records, as recommended by Marine Corps lead archive technician Armando Nunez after he failed to find files on Guckert in response to a Freedom of Information Act request submitted last month.

The hand search was conducted by Quantico staff member Delores Smith, who accessed computerized records from 1995-2005 and an additional 15 years' worth of archived microfiche files dating back to 1980, the year Guckert graduated from college. (He graduated from high school in 1975.)

The searches at Quantico were conducted by Social Security number, as well as by birth date and last name, with no hits on any combination of the criteria in either the computerized or microfiche records.

At the completion of the search, Smith stated that Guckert had never served in the United States Marine Corps.

Rush Limbaugh, pro-cat?

Check out Rush's little rant about Wisconsin's cat hunting and see if you can figure it out?
I think he's-
- Pro cat, but I'm not really sure.
- I love how he throws in some liberal digs, complaining about the protection of endangered species (for some reason, the raunchy right is obsessed with this Snail Darter fish)
- I have to assume these "hunters" are gun lovers, which I then have to assume are conservatives. Could this be the first documented case of Rushy basing a righty? He doesn't actually say it, but I think we all see it. Welcome to the dark-side, Rush!
- He says that his cat likes to kill lizards, it's his instinct. That's cool. If I go beat the shit out of Rush Limbaugh, I can say it's instinct, right?
- At the end, our chubby one compared cats to women; If we want to understand women, go get a bunch of cats. Great advice coming from a man three-times divorced. Can I assume that Rush wishes women were more like dogs, obedient bitches that lick our feet and sniff our crotches?

Millions of people tune into this guy and this is what they get? Nice.

RUSH LIMBAUGH'S TRANSCRIPT:
Have you heard what they're doing up in Wisconsin? Killing cats! "Feline lovers holding pictures of cats, clutching stuffed animals and wearing whiskers are facing off against hunters at meetings around Wisconsin to voice their opinion on whether to legalize cat hunting. Residents in 72 counties were asked whether free-roaming cats [feral cats] ? including any domestic cat that isn't under the owner's direct control or any cat without a collar ? should be listed as an unprotected species. If listed as so, the cats could be hunted.... La Crosse firefighter Mark Smith, 48, helped spearhead the cat-hunting proposal. He wants Wisconsin to declare free-roaming wild cats an unprotected species, just like skunks or gophers. Anyone with a small-game license could shoot the cats at will." Now, we can't go out and kill a kangaroo rat. We can't go out and kill an Arkansas Fat Ass. We can't go out and kill a snail darter. We can put down people's homes; we can stop their construction projects. We cannot allow people to use their backyards if they want if there's a little water in it if there's a wetland, but here a bunch of people want to go out and start shooting cats up in Wisconsin. Cats are killing birds? What do you think cats do? Cats kill wild birds! I have a cat. You ought to see what my cat does when a bird flies by! My cat tries to jump through the glass window to get it. It's call instinct.

I have little lizard geckos. You have where I live we have these little geckos; sometimes they get in the house. A cat sees it, the lizard's dead. You know, I keep thinking "Animal rights for the lizard!" The cat doesn't know what that is. The cat's just acting on instinct. So the cat's killing the birds, so now they want to go out and kill the cats. Okay, right! So we want to alter human nature because we don't like what we see. It's up to the birds to figure out: stay away from the cats. Or it's up for you people to keep your cats in the house. What are you doing letting help me outside anyway? Cats are not like dogs; they don't come back when you call them. They're like women. "Come here, sweetie." The best way to learn about women, folks, is to get a bunch of cats in your house. If you want to find out about women real fast, go get a bunch of cats. But, I mean, this is just incredible here. Go out and shoot cats here because they're killing the birds? Who are the birds killing? Birds are killing something! Birds are killing worms. We need worms. We need everything out there! The balance of nature. Nobody can kill a snail darter, though! Nobody can kill a kangaroo rat. Nobody can kill some ugly-looking weird seven-legged insect that may be found roaming around Arkansas if it happens to be doing so in three-quarters of an inch of water out some poor slob's backyard because that's a "wetland." But we can kill cats! Or they want to up in Wisconsin.

Does Scalia believe in foreplay?

At NYU Thursday night, a student asked U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia if he sodomized his wife? Normally, this isn't the type of question one would ask anyone, especially a member of the Supreme Court. Justice Scalia simply replied that the question was unworthy of an answer.

But I beg to differ - You see, Scalia wrote the dissenting view last year when the Supreme Court overturned the Texas law against gay sex and sodomy. By not agreeing, Scalia is basically saying that the government has the right to come into anyone's bedroom and monitor their sex life. I'm sorry Antonin, but if two gay adults want to blow each other in the privacy of their own home, the state of Texas should not be allowed to arrest them.

So the question is a fair one; do you go ditch diving on your wife in the privacy of your own home? If not, I feel really sad for your wife. I really do. But if you do, does the government have the right to regulate it or make it illegal? Of course not, but that's not what you said.

NEW YORK POST ARTICLE:
WHEN U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia spoke Tuesday night at NYU's Vanderbilt Hall, "The room was packed with some 300 students and there were many protesters outside because of Scalia's vitriolic dissent last year in the case that overturned the Texas law against gay sex," our source reports. "One gay student asked whether government had any business enacting and enforcing laws against consensual sodomy. Following Scalia's answer, the student asked a follow-up: 'Do you sodomize your wife?' The audience was shocked, especially since Mrs. Scalia [Maureen] was in attendance. The justice replied that the question was unworthy of an answer."

DeLay's Great Escape

Fifteen ways to escape a barrage ethical scandals!

TOM DELAY'S BLUEPRINT FOR SUCCESS:
1) Blame the Democrats
2) Accuse the 'liberal media' of twisting facts, but never present examples
3) Call prosecutor investigating you a partisan hack, even though that same prosecutor has prosecuted Democrats in the past.
4) Respond to questions by saying democrat's have no agenda other than partisanship
5) Refer to all the investigations against you as a "mammoth operation" funded by Democratic supporters designed to destroy you
6) Jump on a faux Right-to-Life issue in Florida, hoping to divert all attention away from your infractions
7) Attack "Activist Judges" just for the hell of it, again in a sad attempt to distract people from the real issue at hand
8) Rewrite rules in the House ethics committee so they won't be able to investigate your wrong doings
9) Replace two members of the House ethics committee with two more favorable congressmen who will not allow an investigation of you
10) Hope and pray Matt Drudge will make up stories about Democrats doing unethical things
11) Bully & intimidate members of your own party who dare scrutinize your ethical lapses
12) File a "contempt of Congress" complaint against the congressman calling for an investigation into your ethics
13) File another "contempt of Congress" complaint against a citizen's group who helped open the ethics investigation
14) Accuse anyone who has problems with your ethics as being Un-American
15) Have your party change long-standing Congressional rules just so you can stay in power during these investigations

Bush's Revisionist History

Bush yesterday: "From the beginning, our goal in Iraq has been to promote Iraqi independence -- by helping the Iraqi people establish a free country that can sustain itself, rule itself, and defend itself," he said.

Bush on March 22, 2003: "And our mission is clear, to disarm Iraq of weapons of mass destruction, to end Saddam Hussein's support for terrorism, and to free the Iraqi people."

From the Washington Post!

Knocked Up Pop Tart

Since Britney Spears has finally admitted she's pregnant, does this mean her hubby Kevin Federline will be able to take some time off work to help care for the baby?

More B.S. from Bush Inc.

Our beloved President again told another white lie, to U.S. troops stationed in Texas no less. Of course, it's not a new lie, just the same old crap about the amount of Iraq security forces that are trained.

From Reuters
"President Bush said on Tuesday trained Iraqi security forces now outnumber U.S. troops in Iraq and are playing a greater role in fighting insurgents."

"Bush offered no timetable on a withdrawal. He said about 150,000 Iraqi military and police and other security personnel had now been trained, outnumbering the estimated 140,000 U.S. troops in Iraq."

Sound familiar? It should. The administration has been exaggerating Iraq troop levels for a long time.

PRESIDENTAL DEBATE:
"President Bush said in the Sept. 30 presidential debate that there are already 100,000 Iraqis trained to “make Iraq safe and secure.” In the Oct. 13 debate, the president said by the end of the year there would be 125,000 Iraqis trained to provide security. But others have labeled these numbers an exaggeration."

BUT FIVE MONTHS EARLIER:
"In April 2004, the Pentagon said the United States had trained and fielded more than 200,000 Iraqi security forces."

THEN IN JAN '05 WE HEARD:
"Condoleezza Rice told the Senate Foreign Relations Committee that there are 120,000 trained Iraqi troops. Senator Joseph Biden (D-Del.) dismissed Rice's number as "malarkey" and said, based on his observations in Iraq, that the tally was closer to 4,000."

Of course, the problem is the definition of "trained".

From NPR:
"Top defense officials face questioning on Capitol Hill and the Pentagon about the numbers and readiness of Iraqi security forces trained by the United States. Gen. Richard Myers, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, told the Senate Armed Services Committee that Iraq now has 136,000 military and police forces who've been trained. But he added that less than 1/3 are ready for combat."

Here is the problem we have; Bush and Company don't need to define what a "trained" Iraqi security force is.

Example - Back to the President's estimate of 100,000 during the Presidental Debate; 40,000 of the 100,000 trained security personnel the President referred were members of the Iraqi National Guard, which plays a support role to coalition forces. National Guard personnel receive anywhere between a few days and two or three weeks of non-standardized training. Most Guard members have no capacity or very limited capacity to act independently in a combat situation. So while it is accurate to say they are trained, they are not prepared or capable to take the place of American and other coalition troops.

For the Iraqi police it's worse; As of October '04, of the 85,000 Iraqi police in uniform, more than half have received no training at all.

Personally, I can't understand why Bush still feels the need to lie. Iraq appears to be moving forward at a good pace, violence seems to be down, we're hearing less reports about Iraq forces running and hiding from the violence or working against us. If they just try being honest for once, the American people can be patient. But as we say often in Robioland, when we're talking about Bush Inc., that would be too easy.

Rush Limbaugh, Blow Jobs and Al Gore

THIS FROM RUSH LIMBAUGH'S RADIO SHOW (You make sense of it)

Rush Limbaugh-
"That's what they're doing now. They're out there getting oral sex all day long, that's what they're talking about. That's their point of view; they can't wait. Your boss Al (Gore), made sure that's became the number one sport in high school today. So I guess you're going to have a B.J. network out there, Al. Is that what you're going to do - oral sex channel out there that's going to start competing with MTV?"

Robio's interpretation: An over-weight, drug addict, three times divorced is obsessed with cock in mouth. What's wrong Rushy, did mamma Limbaugh not breast feed you enough?

Of course, my favorite part of his little rant is his obsession with Bill Clinton's blow job...and how he blames all the oral sex teens are having on Bill Clinton.

It would be silly to blame Bush Inc. Abstinence-only programs that not only misinform kids about sex (You get Aids from tears), but because it fails to properly educate kids about "safe sex" teenagers get the idea that performing oral sex or poking someone in the pooper is good, but sex (Insert penis into vagina), even protected sex, is baddddd!

In fact, let's look at an MSNBC survey. (Guess what, I don't Bill Clinton anywhere on the list)

SUMMARY TABLE: Reasons teens had oral sex for the first time
The other person wanted to
41% Major Reason
35% Minor Reason
23% Not a reason

You met the right person
47% Major Reason
24% Minor Reason
29% Not a reason

To satisfy a sexual desire
36% Major Reason
34% Minor Reason
30% Not a reason

You don't have to worry about pregnancy
40% Major Reason
28% Minor Reason
32% Not a reason

You were curious
35% Major Reason
29% Minor Reason
36% Not a reason

You are still a virgin if you have oral sex
24% Major Reason
25% Minor Reason
50% Not a reason

You wanted to avoid having sexual intercourse
20% Major Reason
20% Minor Reason
60% Not a reason

You don't think you can get STDs from oral sex
17% Major Reason
18% Minor Reason
65% Not a reason

You wanted to avoid being touched or undressed
7% Major Reason
17% Minor Reason
75% Not a reason
You wanted to be more popular and accepted
4% Major Reason
17% Minor Reason
79% Not a reason

- Four in 10 teens say they have had oral sex to avoid having sexual intercourse.
- Most 13 and 14 year olds who have had oral sex did so to avoid intercourse at least once.
- Boys and girls are equally likely to have opted for oral sex over intercourse.

Luckiest guy in the world

Paul Rodriquez...you are my hero!

Mr. Rodriquez was awarded a free recliner by the New York Daily News in their 'Sofa-spud spouse contest' for beling the laziest husband in New York City.

Here are some of Rodriquez's highlights:
- Doesn't have a job; he's a stay at home husband who does not clean, cook or do laundry
- Orders breakfast from a diner every morning
- Throws his keys out the window to delivery boys, so he doesn't have to get up
- He takes the back exit out of the apartment to avoid stepping over the trash
- Has a cooler by the bed filled with soda and water so he doesn't have to make trips to the kitchen
- Has a drawer full of remotes, so if he loses one, he doesn't have to look for it
- Plays video games all day
- He does go to the gym five days a week
- His wife works full time for the Long Island Rail Road.

Congratulations Paul...you're a stud!!

Celebrate freedom with a protest

If Iraqis are so happy with our invading them two years ago, they sure have a funny way of showing it.

"Shiite and Sunni religious clerics called for protests to mark the two-year anniversary of Baghdad's fall, prompting four days of demonstrations across the country."

It seems they're happy to have their new found freedom (when I say freedom, I mean no more Saddem, not freedom in the same sense we know it), but they feel it's time for the Good Ole U.S.A. to go.

"Tens of thousands of mostly Shiite protesters, largely followers of militant cleric Muqtada al-Sadr, filled central Baghdad's streets Saturday, holding the largest anti-American protest since the invasion. Demonstrations have continued, all echoing the same demand: It's time for U.S. troops to leave." And this is coming from Shiites not Sunnis. (If you don't know the difference, don't ever read my blog again, please)

Read article here!

Fox's Newest Show

THIS IS?

A) NBC - LAW & ORDER IRAQ

B) BRAVO - QUEER EYE FOR THE IRAQI GUY

C) MTV - REAL WORLD IRAQ

D) FOX - IRAQI 911

E) CBS - SURVIVOR: IRAQ

F) VH1 - SURREAL LIFE, IRAQ

G) ABC - DESPERATE IRAQ HOUSEWIVE'S HUSBANDS

H) DISCOVERY CHANNEL - IRAQI CHOPPER

I) UPN - IRAQI'S NEXT TOP MODEL

J) THE WB - SADR CITY-VILLE

K) QUENTIN TARANTINO'S NEW FILM - RESERVOIR MULLAHS

Better Late Than Never

W.Va. Makes English Its Official Language

CHARLESTON, W.Va. - Two days after the end of the legislative session, state lawmakers are discovering something few were aware of: They voted to make English the official language of West Virginia.

The language amendment was quietly inserted into a bill addressing the number of members that cities can appoint to boards of parks and recreation. Among mundane details about record-keeping, the amendment adds the provision that "English shall be the official language of the State of West Virginia."

Want more, check it out at Yahoo.com here!

Graffiti of the Week

Word!

Blind Sex

I don't know about you, but it might just be a risk worth taking...

Viagra can make you go blind...

Fourteen men reportedly have had vision loss while taking the erectile dysfunction drug Viagra, say ophthalmologists at the University of Minnesota...Read the rest Here!

Republicans in pink do the craziest things

So a gay Republican, who just married his lover of 40 years is leading the charge against Hillary Clinton...does this make sense to anyone? I guess he's okay with Republicans pressing to federally ban his marriage because people like him are going to ruin the sanctity of marriage.

"Finkelstein told The New York Times last week that he had married his partner of 40 years in Massachusetts, saying he believes "visitation rights, health care benefits and other human relationship contracts that are taken for granted by all married people should be available to partners." The marriage took place in December.

Finkelstein is lining up donors to help raise $10 million for a "Stop Her Now" committee to defeat the senator's 2006 re-election effort. New York magazine first reported Finkelstein's "Stop Her Now" plan in February, and a GOP operative speaking on condition of anonymity confirmed the account to The Associated Press at the time."

Read article here!

Look to Stalin to solve your Judge problem

DEATH SOLVES ALL PROBLEMS: NO MAN, NO PROBLEM!

THE PRINCIPAL PROBLEM WITH THIS COUNTRY IS WE AS A PEOPLE DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE THAT GOD EXISTS!

HIGHLIGHTS FROM SATURDAY'S WASHINGTON POST ARTICLE ON "REMEDIES TO JUDICAL TYRANNYA" A CONFERENCE ON "CONFRONTING THE JUDICIAL WAR ON FAITH"

Lawyer-author Edwin Vieira said his "bottom line" for dealing with the Supreme Court comes from Joseph Stalin. "He had a slogan, and it worked very well for him, whenever he ran into difficulty: 'no man, no problem,' " Vieira said. The full Stalin quote, for those who don't recognize it, is "Death solves all problems: no man, no problem."

Vieira continued by telling the gathering that Kennedy should be impeached because his philosophy, evidenced in his opinion striking down an anti-sodomy statute, "upholds Marxist, Leninist, satanic principles drawn from foreign law."

Richard Lessner of the American Conservative Union, opened the discussion by decrying a "radical secularist relativist judiciary."

Phyllis Schlafly, doyenne of American conservatism, said Kennedy's opinion forbidding capital punishment for juveniles "is a good ground of impeachment." To cheers and applause

Schlafly said that Kennedy had not met the "good behavior" requirement for office and that "Congress ought to talk about impeachment."

Schlafly called for passage of a quartet of bills in Congress that would remove courts' power to review religious displays, the Pledge of Allegiance, same-sex marriage and the Boy Scouts. Her speech brought a subtle change in the argument against the courts from emphasizing "activist" judges -- it was, after all, inaction by federal judges that doomed Schiavo -- to "supremacist" judges. "The Constitution is not what the Supreme Court says it is," Schlafly asserted.

Michael P. Farris, chairman of the Home School Legal Defense Association, said Kennedy "should be the poster boy for impeachment" for citing international norms in his opinions. "If our congressmen and senators do not have the courage to impeach and remove from office Justice Kennedy, they ought to be impeached as well."

"The people who have been speaking out on this, like Tom DeLay and Senator Cornyn, need to be backed up," Schlafly said to applause yesterday. One worker at the event wore a sticker declaring "Hooray for DeLay."

Former representative William Dannemeyer (R-Calif.) followed Schlafly, saying the country's "principal problem" is not Iraq or the federal budget but whether "we as a people acknowledge that God exists."

Farris then told the crowd he is "sick and tired of having to lobby people I helped get elected." A better-educated citizenry, he said, would know that "Medicare is a bad idea" and that "Social Security is a horrible idea when run by the government." Farris said he would block judicial power by abolishing the concept of binding judicial precedents, by allowing Congress to vacate court decisions, and by impeaching judges such as Kennedy, who seems to have replaced Justice David H. Souter as the target of conservative ire. "If about 40 of them get impeached, suddenly a lot of these guys would be retiring," he said.

Vieira, a constitutional lawyer who wrote "How to Dethrone the Imperial Judiciary," escalated the charges, saying a Politburo of "five people on the Supreme Court" has a "revolutionary agenda" rooted in foreign law and situational ethics. Vieira, his eyeglasses strapped to his head with black elastic, decried the "primordial illogic" of the courts.

Washington Time...wrong!!!

Remember that little story the Washington Times wrote saying that the Schiavo memo must be a fake? They basically accused Democrats of forging the memo to make Republicans look bad. They claimed to have done a survey and "found that every Republican said the memo was not crafted or distributed by him or her. Every one of them said he or she had not seen it until the memo was the subject of speculation in major news organs, particularly ABC News and The Washington Post."

Guess what? They were wrong!! Senator Mel Martinez, R-Fla., has confessed that it was his office that wrote the infamous Schiavo memo that stated that the Terri Schiavo case was an important one because "the pro-life base will be excited that the Senate is debating this important issue," and "This is a great political issue, because Senator Nelson of Florida has already refused to become a cosponsor and this is a tough issue for Democrats."

Oh, the compassion.

Meanwhile, as the Washington Times figures out how to pull their heads out of their assholes, Neoconservative's favorite Asian whore, Michelle Malkin, should be doing the same right about now.

The other day, dear Michelle posted on her web site a call for the Washington Post (and all liberal media for that matter) to come clean and admit they knowingly reported on this fake memo story.

From Michelle Malkin:
I suspect that no one at the Post or ABC News still believes the amateurish, unsigned, misspelled memo was circulated by Republican Party leaders. We may never know whether the memo was the handywork of a Republican staffer or a Democrat dirty trickster or an outside interloper, but clearly there is absolutely no evidence that this was a Karl Rove plot.

Nonetheless, the damage has been done. The memo has been cited hundreds of times to support the argument that Republicans' decision to intervene in the Schiavo case was politically motivated. And neither ABC News nor the Post has admitted any wrongdoing.

The Post can continue to mischaracterize its coverage. It can stonewall, perhaps hoping that its critics will get bored and give up. Or it can own up to its errors.

Should it choose to correct its errors, there will be a lot to account for. By my count, the Post owes its readers four retractions:
- one for its unsubstantiated allegation in the Allen / Roig-Franzia wire story,
- one for the unsubstantiated allegations in the two Reuters stories,
- one for Kurtz's description of the talking points as a "Republican strategy memo," and

Oh Malkin, Malkin, Malkin...you dirty bitch!
Should you choose to correct your errors, there will be a lot to account for. By my count, Michelle owes her readers four statements:
- one for her to admit that the Washington Post and any other media outlet was correct when it stated that the memo came from a Republican.
- one for her to admit that she is full of shit and has always been full of shit
- one for her to admit that most of her stories on her web site are either lies, hateful, racist or all of the above
- one for her to admit that she enjoys a good spanking like any dirty ring-winger should

Republicans never lie...really, they don't

According the the Washington Times, the Terri Schiavo memo passed around to Republicans on the Senate floor is a fake! How do they know? Because they asked all 55 Republican Senator and they told them so.

What a great combination, the truth-challenge Washington Times (The print version of Faux News) doing a report on truth-challenged Republican Senators.

Read article here! But be sure to go scrub yourself afterwards, you're going to feel dirty.

Congress pass new "Asian Delivery Boy" Law

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Following more than three minutes of passionate debate on Capitol Hill, the U.S. House early today passed a bill that transfers jurisdiction of all private elevators to federal authorities after hearing about the ordeal of Ming Kuang Chen, an Asian delivery boy who was trapped in a broken elevator for four days.

President Bush, who rode in on horseback from Crawford, Texas just to sign this bill, was awaken from his second late-afternoon nap to put his signature on the bill within five minutes of passage.

“Today, I signed into a law a bill that will allow federal authorities to watch over and guard all public elevators throughout the country, so little Asian delivery boys will not go without food, fluids, or some kind of Chinese mystic tea necessary to sustain their life," a statement from the president said.
"In cases like this one, where there are serious questions about our public elevators and substantial doubts about them elevators working, our society, our laws, and our elevators should have a presumption in favor of life."

The extraordinary session had supporters, primarily Republicans, arguing that the issue was all about the "rights to life" for Asian delivery boys with a Democrat warning that passing the measure would "undermine over 200 years of public elevators independence.”

The special vote required a super-duper majority, meaning a two-thirds of House members had to approve it -- a mark easily reached.

"We are very, very, very thankful to have crossed this bridge and we're very hopeful that the federal authorities will follow the will of Congress and save the life of any future Asian delivery boys from possible dying in broken down elevators," said Ming Kuang Chen, 35, after eating an apple and a bowl of cereal at Saint Maria Gonzalez Sanchez Rodriguez hospital.

Mr. Chen, or Long Duk Dong as most white people would call him, was the New York City Asian delivery boy who had been the subject of a massive search after disappearing last week. Duk Dong was eventually found trapped in a broken elevator in the Bronx apartment complex he was delivering food to four days after he was reported missing by a streat whore, Lilly Fandango; a $10 hooker who "serviced" the delivery boy every day after his shift. Fire fighters arriving to rescue Duk Dong thought he was drunk at first, but he was actually feeling the effects of dehydration.

Following the vote, Ling Wong, owner of the Happy Dragon restaurant where Mr. Chen slaved for $1.25 and hour plus tips, spoke with CNN's Bob Franken a short time after visiting his second favorite Asian delivery boy in the hospital.
"I asked him if he was ready to take a little ride, and I told him that we were going to take him for a little trip and take him outside and get him some breakfast, and that got a big smile out of his face, so help me God," he said. "Mr. Chen seemed to be very pleased and we're pleased and we're very thankful for both the House and the Senate for passing this bill and literally saving the life of any future Asian delivery boys."

Ming Kuang Chen has been an Asian all his life and a delivery boy ever since performing sexual favors for a Greek boat captain who smuggled him to the United States in a box aboard a rustic Casino boat ten years prior. An attempt was made to figure out which Asian country Chen was actually from, but his english is not so good and plus they all look alike, so who really cares.

New York’s major Bloomberg, no relation to the President, issued a statement shortly after the vote:
"I thank the Congress for its swift action allowing federal authorities to control and monitor all public elevators. Certainly, an incapacitated person like an Asian delivery boy deserves at least the same protection afforded criminals sentenced to death."

The number of lawmakers on Capitol Hill dwindled late last week as they headed home to watch American Idol, but more than 260 of 435 returned in time for the vote.

The compromise bill transfers jurisdiction of all public elevators to federal authorities who will begin to closely monitor all public elevators by posting an armed federal marshal on each floor of each public building, 24 hours a day, across the United States to guarantee that no Asian delivery boys get trapped in any public elevators that might not be functioning correctly.

Congress, itself, has no authority or desire for that matter to stand and watch every public elevator, but they can pass laws to force federal marshals to do it.

Leading up to the vote, the issue spurred passionate debate on both sides of the issue.
"The measure of a nation's commitment to the sanctity of life is reflected in its laws and to the extent those laws honor and defend its most vulnerable citizens like Asian Delivery boys" said Rep. James Sensenbrenner, R-Wis., in kicking off the House debate.

The Senate passed the bill by a voice vote earlier yesterday.
"When a person's intention is to just deliver some all-American Chinese food to some hungry people who live in tall buildings that have elevators, poor Asian delivery boys shouldn’t have to risk dying of starvation or going thirsty because of secular elevators," Sensenbrenner added. "In our public actions, we must build a culture of life that welcomes and defends all human life."

Earlier, House Majority Leader Tom DeLay argued that all Asian delivery boys should be protected by federal agents monitoring elevators.
"The legal issues, I grant you, are complicated, but the moral ones are not," the Republican from Texas told reporters. "What will it hurt to have a federal marshal at every single public elevator throughout the United States?”

After the vote, Delay expressed some sense of relief.
"I tell you I won't feel good until every Asian delivery boy can go up and down and up and down and up and down any elevator without going hungry or being thirsty. I hope, I pray this never happens again," he said.

Delay received a hug and a thank you from Long Wang Chen, Ming’s retarded half-brother, who was waiting for him with his pants down in his office.

But Democrats said Congress has no right to become involved in sensitive elevator issues.
"We are members of Congress. We are not elevator technicians. We are not elevator experts. We are not mechanics. We are members of Congress," said Debbie Wasserman Schultz, D-Fla.
"The message we’re sending by putting one federal marshal on every floor of every building with an elevator across the United States is the wrong message," said Robert Wexler, D-Fla. "What next, we pass silly laws that bypass state court rulings that we don't agree with and destroy the sanctiny of marriage by taking a husband's right to decide what his brain dead wife would have wanted? The evidence provided by a standard of clear and convincing evidence is that although elevators across this country are not perfect, incidents like Mr. Chen’s are rare."

"If this bill passes, this Congress is saying that public elevators will lose its long jurisdiction of history in this matter and others like it and the jurisdiction of federal authorities will be substituted," Wexler said. “Approving the bill would "undermine over 200 years of jurisprudence," he said. “We are willing tonight to replace our judgment with the judgment of the most prominent elevator technicians in our country, who have labored extensively to perfect America’s elevators."

Tony Soprano, the head of the NYC Elevator Repair Union, told CNN Sunday that he was outraged at Congress' actions.
"I think that every American in this country should also be outraged that this government is trampling all over this matter," he said.

According to Paulie Walnuts, A Sopranos capo, "The harm is the further delay of the right to privacy that public elevators have already been given and that they deserve."

Despite the quick signing of the new law, Congress has yet to specify how they were going to pay for their latest government program, which opponents argue will cost trillions of dollars.
“It’s a tragedy that this Republican congress continues to spend, spend, spend, all while continuing to give tax cuts to the wealthiest one-percent,” said former Democratic presidental nominee John Kerry. “If they (Republicans) want to pay for this new program, then they need to roll back the President’s tax cuts immediately.”

But Republicans in Congress disputed Democrats claim that they lacked a plan.
“The tax and spend Democrats are just trying to divide the country,” said Senator Rick Santorum, R-Pa. “For out-of-touch Liberals who favor a ‘culture of death’ and who only come out of their dark, sadistic holes to save gay sodomy, abortion-on-demand and murderers on death row, it’s disgusting they can’t find it in their blacken souls to help save poor Asian delivery boys like Mr. Chen.”

“I personally saw a grainy black and white photo of the soulless elevator that tried to starve Mr. Chen to death," said Senator Frist, R-TN before his "How to get aids from jumping up and down" seminar at Bob Jones University. "I got the photo from a friend of mine who took it from his sister’s cousin who got it from a gentleman working at Burger King, who was recently in a gang bang organized by Clarence Thomas and his mistress, Barbara, who took the actual photograph. After reviewing the photo for roughly ten seconds from across a poorly lit, windowless room, I know, based on my years watching my Mexican nanny’s husband change the batteries in my TV remote control, a thing or two about elevator maintenance and I can assure you that elevators have become human death traps.” Frist added “How can death-loving liberal elitist put a price tag on a human life, if we spend a trillion dollars and are able to save one Asian delivery boy from starving to death, trapped in a broken elevator then it was worth every penny.”

The millions of federal marshals required to perform this new government task, will begin their 24-hour a day elevator monitoring starting this Wednesday.